A hallway party is planned for Friday.
People start firing off emails.
“I’ll bring dip,” offers one coworker.
“I’ll bring dessert,” says another.
This continues for a while until Christina sends out a group email asking if I’ll bring a batch of my famous guacamole. And being the gracious soul that I am, I reply, “How could I say no?” After all, everyone in the hallway knows about me and my guacamole. They know about this calling in life, this calling I did not choose but have accepted nonetheless. They know I make music with guacamole.
Well, Lisa apparently didn’t get the message.
Lisa, one of the kindest people here at Sun, a truly gentle soul, says she’s bringing guacamole, too. And just like that, I am forced to make a decision — to either back away and offer to bring plastic forks or cheese balls, or stand up, stick my chest out, and accept this defacto challenge for a major guacamole showdown.
I chose the latter.
So my question for you, Lisa, is: Are you prepared? Are you prepared for a battle? Have you spent the past decade preparing for this moment? Do you have scouts squeezing avocados in supermarkets from San Carlos to Palo Alto? Do you have a big-city guacamole coach? Have you thought about your chips? Do you have cooks in Florida begging you to reveal your guacamole recipe (I will reveal it August 1)?
Do you realize, dear Lisa, that you have wandered into the jungle?
Do you know how you’ll get out?
May 14, 2008 at 10:10 am
I’m coming in specifically for this famous guacamole to see if it lives up to the hype. And now I hear Paul is going to contribute to the mix so looking forward to it!
May 14, 2008 at 4:58 pm
This may be worth a plane ticket to SF – a chance to examine and actually taste that, which thus far, is but a dream of guac so sublime, it could be delivered from heaven! Greg has skills unknown to the east coast. My daughter and her nurd computer husband live in SF…. I’d have a place to stay. Ummm … let me check Delta. I wonder if I could get a visitor pass at Sun. After all, I am a Project Manager. ( 😉 )
May 14, 2008 at 11:47 pm
Visitor pass? … We’d get you a permanent badge. … If you can’t make it, just hang on till Aug. 1, my friend. … And heck, after Friday’s showdown, you might be more interested in getting Lisa’s guac recipe.
May 15, 2008 at 7:03 am
Why Greg Likes To Make Guacamole(from the other half point of view)
I had dinner with my sweetie
At his home the other night
I knew he’d make a special treat
At least I hoped he might
He set out all the crockery fine
With his best linen pressed
Silver knives and forks and spoons
I really was impressed
I said “What’s for dinner sweetie?”
He flashed a cheeky smile
And replied “I know you’ll love it
It’ll be ready in just a while”
Well I got a little suspicious
For I noticed that no smell
Was coming from his kitchen
And no food was there as well
The stereo played slow love songs
The candles were aglow
He certainly was cooking something up
But what? I did not know
As he led me away from the kitchen
My hopes began to crumble
When he took me to the main bedroom
I heard my tummy rumble
He set me down upon the bed
And then to my surprise
He grabbed a blood red silken tie
And wrapped it round my eyes
Then I felt his hand so gentle
As he slowly released my blindfold
I opened my eyes and before me
Was such a sight to behold
He had totally turned his body
From his crown to his toenail tip
Into a savoury sensation
And in his hand… a packet of chips
Well, I could not hold back the laughter
I was rolling about in a fit
Then he held out the packet and said,
So solemn…”Would you like a dip?”
Well I tried the cream cheese on his fingers
His belly button olives were yum
But I kept coming back for my favourite
The guacamole smeared on his buns
Now our relationship’s taken on new meaning
As we share in our new found delight
In fact I’ve invited my sweetie
For dessert round at my place tonight!
May 15, 2008 at 9:58 am
[Long awkward silence]
Um ….. Okaaaaay. Yeah … um ….. yeah …. right.
[Long awkward silence]
Well, let’s move on to some better imagery here, shall we?
For the record, the above poem from Poet and Don’t Know It is of course not from my wife.
May 15, 2008 at 3:35 pm
OK… I can’t make it to the Sun hallway party. Sure wish I could.
I’ve noticed a rather interesting parallel. Men (especially men) who write – know how to cook, or know food very well, or are keen on certain kinds of food.
If you’ve read Lawrence Sanders (as I suggested), or Philip Craig (amazing mystery/suspense authors), you can’t miss their connections with good food.
Greg — you’re on your way to greatness!
And August 1st can’t come fast enough.
May 15, 2008 at 4:34 pm
Hold that thought, Paul. … As much as I want greatness, I do have to admit that I’m not that savvy around the kitchen. Dare I admit that I’m pretty much a one-act guy? … But I am keen to certain kinds of food, so maybe I have a shot. …. Tomorrow in the Middlefield Conference room and spilling down the hallway (because this thing is getting out of control, heads of state are sending dignitaries), we’ll hoist chips filled with guac in your honor, my friend.
May 16, 2008 at 5:03 am